This story takes place in Ukraine around 1999, during the mad 1990s. The Soviet Union had collapsed, leading to economic breakdown and mass unemployment.
In many places criminals revived and felt owners of this world.
The police? They often behaved similarly. Many people lived as if each day might be their last.
Despite my qualification as a computer operator, economic conditions forced me to move from Sevastopol to my grandmother's city, Simferopol in 1999.
I worked in a bar - a wretched place full of adult men and young girls.
Adult men encouraged girls to drink and spend time with them. Many girls complied. Those who refused were considered undesirable, too correct, too boring, or too stupid. Some were forced to participate in these parties.
This bar was located near a university that attracted students. The area was bustling with young people. This atmosphere contributed to the risky behaviors and exploitation.
One of the girls was Lena, a 16-year-old local schoolgirl. She drank, smoked, and spent much time with adult men.
She gave birth at 16 or 17 and disappeared forever, leaving her daughter Nastya to a 35-year-old supposed biological father and his wife. To my knowledge, no one was punished for what happened to her.
Today, Nastya should be an adult woman of about 23 years old. I never saw her after she was adopted. I don't know if she knows how her father treated her mother. I think she doesn't.
Did anyone in my environment consider Lena to be a victim? I never heard anyone speak about it in such a context.
When I was 18, I thought she and the society were responsible for what happened. I thought "Why did she not refused, why did she not flee?" Over time, I began to ask other questions. Is it normal for a young girl to have to flee, to fight for her safety against those who should have provided it and set good patterns?
Well, it's better to fight or flee than to end up like Lena.
Did Lena do right? No. But did she have a chance to be a different person?
They didn't provide her with an environment where she could become someone different.
I came from a different environment. I knew two programming languages and had a well-rounded education from a good school, including a certification in programming. I was fortunate with my school: it was a regular school where true professionals worked. They continued to perform their work professionally despite the difficult economic situation in the country.
This school instilled different values in me.
After I moved to my grandmother's, I only heard from my family and environment: "Who wants your programming? It's not possible to make money with programming. What is Pascal? Learn economics and you're set." "What? You're really learning statistics? You don't know how to live in the real world. Yes, I know it's in your curriculum, but who really needs it? You don't know how to pass exams?"
I was confused and frustrated. I didn't plan to live like this. And they hated me for my lack of obedience. But that's another story...
In a society where young girls from poor families are encouraged to behave as if they are someone's shadow from an early age, do they have a chance to think differently?
Do all these "clean" women and men understand that this is not about Lena, but about them? About their desire to elevate themselves at someone else's expense? Of course, they understand this, but they will never say it aloud. She wasn't born impure; they left their impurity on her. The impurity that killed Lena.
Her last name was Prizhibilova. Everyone called her Prizhibilka (a nickname derived from her last name, which became an offensive alias among locals).
Adult men aged 30, 40, 50 years and older toyed with and discarded. The women treated her with contempt, wanting to boost their self-esteem, without considering that their husbands, fathers, and brothers effectively left such girls with no chances.
Even after she disappeared (read: was killed), they continued to use this term to refer to her and to insult others, without any regret or reflection.
No one considered themselves responsible for what happened to her and other girls. The men... Are they men? They held good positions in the police and "business" (read: gangs), they did not care about being responsible for others' lives.. Because, you know, she was just a dirty whore...
Why do I write about this here? I recently stumbled upon the wrong part of X.
There was pornography including very young girls in early puberty.
They don't have a chance to become teachers, doctors, or developers. This reminded me of Lena.
What can you personally do?
Is it a good idea to try to stop and re-educate people like Lena? I don't think so. Their behavior is often the result of someone's sick desire to use such girls in the sex industry. They receive this pattern at an early age, and afterward, they struggle to live differently.
But, if you refuse to watch pornography or use sex services, consider that you're doing well. Pornography isn't about being adult. It's about being weak and lacking self-control.
Don't believe that these women do it because they want it. They do it because they got this pattern and they live like this or they were forced.
Remember, making friends and meaningful relationships can fulfill your life.
Using sex services only increases demand for someone's broken life.
"First published by me on X Aug 20, 2024
Republished on my blog January 20, 2025 with changes"