Olha Stefanishyna
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PTSD: When Dragon Doesn't Scare

OS
Olga Stefanishyna
July 12, 2025•14 min read
Article cover with an image of a woman frozen near a dragon and another hiding in the shadows

Several months ago, I started having strange dreams. First, I dreamt of a dragon. In this dream, an acquaintance of mine was fighting by my side against some other woman. She yelled at me - either to run away or not to wait for her. I sensed falsehood in her words but didn't tell her, instead hitting the opponent and flying towards a mountain. I even brought my "friend" along. I was, in a way, pulling her behind me on an "invisible" leash. But something happened during the ascent; something prevented me from climbing, and now I was flying downwards and sideways, pulled by something I couldn't escape.

I, in turn, was pulling my "friend." Then my movement stopped. And I saw a huge black dragon beside me. My arms and legs lost strength, though it wasn't critical because I was flying the whole dream, so legs weren't needed. But I couldn't pull my "friend" anymore, and she herself seemed to decide not to rush towards the dragon, dissolving into the darkness.

And I thought, "Where have I landed? Who are you, Dragon?" I had transformed into a consciousness, floating without arms or legs. Next to the dragon.

The woman who fought by my side exists in reality. She came to Crimea, Simferopol more than 20 years ago from Asia. That's when I met her. We were roughly the same age - around 18 - 20. I was a little younger, she a little older. As I've written before, in the 90s, Crimea was dangerous - a low standard of moral norms allowed some people to do things that decent people shouldn't. Though, it's not much safer now. And in her case, local police saw an opportunity to lure to a party someone new to the area, who didn't quite understand where danger might lurk (read about how such stories ended in Prizhabilka - An Untold Story - about what those who were supposed to protect people did to them).

Trembling with fear, I advised her not to go there. I also asked her not to tell anyone that I had warned her. Because if those who had orchestrated this found out I'd warned her, I would have nowhere to run from the bar where I worked; the people working in the law enforcement system (the very ones who should protect, in theory) might seek revenge on me. That night, she told me she was looking for a "deity" in Crimea. To either protect it or prepare it for something. To me, it sounded insane. Belonging to a Christian culture by birth, I wasn't religious, and I certainly had no idea about Asian traditions. And I told her, "What kind of deity are you looking for here? This is a godforsaken place." To myself, I thought, "You yourself need protection." I didn't speak to her again. I was afraid that if those who had ordered her knew who warned her, I would simply be killed in that miserable place, and dying at 19 wasn't part of my plans. So I acted as if I didn't know her.

Actually, I didn't. I forgot about her as soon as I left that miserable place. I didn't even remember her name.

And now, more than 20 years later, she appeared in my dream. And the dragon. It was a shock dream. Not because it was scary, but because I had never dreamt of dragons before. There were no obvious triggers for such a dream and it was impossible to interpret from the perspective of everyday real experience.

I started looking for answers and analyzing what it could be. By then, I already understood that differences in linguistic culture lead to different interpretations of religious and traditional beliefs. My first questions were, "What deity was she looking for? Is she a Buddhist?" Can I explain this dream from the perspective of her culture?

After this dream, other dreams "without shore or bottom" poured in - where I moved through space without a body, even entering other people's bodies. I don't drink or take drugs, and I had no idea how to explain these dreams rationally. I started recalling what I knew and heard about Eastern traditions, trying to fit my experience somewhere. My search yielded the first unexpected result: such dreams resemble the experiences of those who practice Eastern traditions. Their neural networks and endogenous systems function differently from non-practitioners due to specific changes in the brain.

Okay, but I haven't been practicing? Artificial intelligence confidently responded, "your spiritual development has conditioned this." Well, it's nice to hear, but spiritual development is a relative concept; can endogenous systems really be "pumped up" like this without corresponding practices?

No, they cannot.

And then I remembered a strange phenomenon, either a dream or a flashback, that I experienced one night after returning to Crimea in 2024.

Initially I documented this flashback in February 2024 on X. In this article I provide an updated version with details I didn't put on social media.

I was lying cold and motionless on my right side, unable to move, and an English-speaking man (inhuman piece of shit essentially - not a man) was hitting me on the back and calling my name, while in front of me stood another, Russian-speaking, likely of Caucasian or a neighboring region's origin, about 40-60 years old. Something in my body (in the chest area near the heart) broke, possibly a needle, I felt a strong pain. Someone said in Russian "Надо вызывать скорую" (She needs emergency help), and someone answered in Russian "Да ну, нахуй" (essentially "F** no"). At this point, the "dream" cuts off.

They didn't call an ambulance because they realized they wouldn't escape criminal liability. I had no experience with flashbacks, and perhaps if I had engaged less in self-education, I wouldn't have understood what this was. But I realized that this "dream" was not a dream, but a flashback - it felt extraordinarily realistic, lacked typical dream logic, and included bodily sensations. The sensation of a dead, cold body as an object that feels everything being done to it, but without the ability to move, is the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. I understood why some traumas result in amnesia.

Spiritual development without corresponding practices cannot "pump up" endogenous systems to the point where you start dreaming of dragons and traveling in other people's bodies.

But trauma can break these systems or alter their function.

A person with PTSD may experience things that could be mistaken for the aftermath of spiritual practice, drug use, or a mental illness. Especially if the trauma itself is hidden from the victim.

According to modern protocols, PTSD is classified as a mental disorder. But it's important to understand that the basis of this condition is not a mental pathology but a physical trauma (we won't consider various childhood "traumas" related to growing up), which could potentially have resulted in death. Yes, severe and moderate post-traumatic stress disorders are not mental illnesses or emotional disorders, as some psychiatrists like to simplify. They are neurobiological, very often irreparable problems.

Although modern medicine treats PTSD under mental disorder protocols, this is not because it is "that", but because the medicine is mostly powerless against the consequences of severe trauma.

In PTSD treatment, the main role is assigned to psychotherapeutic methods. However, this approach can lead to oversimplified conclusions.

Here's one such example: Jenna E. Boyd - a psychologist at McMaster University, Dr. Ruth A. Lanius - a psychiatrist at Western University, and Dr. Margaret S. McKinnon - a psychologist at McMaster University, in their article in 2017, report that up to 75% of the North American population experiences traumatic events in their lives. This sounds awful, but then they clarify that traumatic events include rape, combat exposure, accidents, and... childhood neglect. So, these authors went even further, stating that "Mindfulness has been shown to be a protective factor against the development of trauma-related psychopathology", putting responsibility for trauma outcomes on victims.

What's wrong with such studies? The fact that neglect traumas are not equivalent to traumas experienced by people who have experienced life-threatening traumatic events, such as assault or combat zone trauma. One can examine childhood neglect trauma from any angle and boost statistics in favor of various "mindfulness" practices as much as they want, but it will not solve the problem of those who witnessed the critical vulnerability of their bodies.

Neurobiological Imprint of Hidden Trauma

In response to an acute incident, amygdala activation occurs, stress hormones are released, and memory fragmentation results from glucocorticoid receptor activation. This happens at the level of the brainstem and limbic system, independent of the level of awareness.

Severe trauma leaves physiological and neurobiological changes that persist even with complete amnesia. Assaults, loss of consciousness under the influence of substances, and torture create long-lasting alterations in brain structure that can mimic psychiatric disorders. These changes occur independently of conscious memory - the body "remembers" the trauma through implicit memory systems.

Structural brain changes begin to emerge within weeks to months following severe trauma and can persist long-term, regardless of the presence of amnesia.

Key neurobiological changes:

  • Bilateral volume reduction of the hippocampus
  • Prefrontal cortex dysfunction with hypoactivation of the right inferolateral prefrontal cortex
  • Broad prefronto-temporo-limbic network dysfunction, affecting self-referential thinking
  • Biphasic inflammatory response with cytokine storm followed by immunosuppression
  • HPA-axis dysregulation involving the hypothalamic-pituitary feedback system

Traumatic Reactions Can Mimic Meditative States

Physiological overlaps between traumatic reactions and contemplative practices create significant potential for clinical confusion. Both states activate similar brain regions - the anterior cingulate cortex and insula, responsible for attention regulation and emotional processing. However, meditation enhances these functions, while trauma disrupts them.

Parasympathetic activation occurs in both situations but through opposing mechanisms. Meditation promotes healthy parasympathetic dominance (the relaxation response), while trauma triggers parasympathetic shutdown via the dorsal vagal complex - a protective "freeze" mechanism.

Dissociative states and meditative experiences share superficial similarities: altered relationship with thoughts and emotions, a sense of detachment from the body, changes in time perception, reduced pain sensitivity. Interoceptive awareness (perception of internal bodily signals) changes in both situations - meditation enhances it, while trauma can either increase or suppress it.

Drug-Induced Amnesia as a Barrier to Diagnosis and Treatment

Narcotic substances used during assaults do not eliminate the trauma; they only hide it from conscious awareness. Unconscious fear systems (amygdala, hippocampus) are less sensitive to anesthetics than conscious memory and continue to form traumatic traces even when consciousness is impaired.

Different drugs affect PTSD development differently. Some can suppress the fear response and reduce PTSD risk, while others, like scopolamine (often used by criminals in US), are associated with enhanced PTSD symptoms and deeper amnesia.

Dissociative amnesia, especially drug-induced, creates a clinical dilemma. The patient lives with inexplicable symptoms - chronic anxiety, nocturnal awakenings, hypersensitivity to stress, dissociative states. The absence of trauma memories makes correct diagnosis practically impossible.

Without knowledge of the trauma, a victim becomes vulnerable to misdiagnosis. Doctors, seeing symptoms without obvious cause, may interpret them as signs of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or other mental illnesses.

When amnesia was purposefully induced by criminals - the absence of memories becomes their protection, and the victim's incorrect diagnosis serves as an additional way of discreditation.

Hidden Trauma and Psychiatric Misdiagnoses

A Johns Hopkins University study found that 51% of patients diagnosed with schizophrenia spectrum disorders actually had anxiety or affective disorders after specialized evaluation. This occurs because trauma-related symptoms regularly mimic psychotic manifestations:

  • Auditory hallucinations in PTSD flashbacks appear as "hearing voices" in schizophrenia.
  • Hypervigilance in trauma survivors is mistaken for persecutory delusions.
  • Dissociative symptoms are interpreted as psychotic detachment from reality.

Barriers to trauma detection include amnesia, shame, and inadequate screening by clinicians. This creates a clinical blind spot - trauma history remains hidden, symptoms point toward diagnosis of severe mental illness.

The consequences of misdiagnoses are critical for patient survival. PTSD dramatically increases both suicide risk and overall mortality. Danish population studies show people with PTSD have 5 - 13 times higher suicide rates and 3 - 6 times higher general mortality compared to control groups. When victims receive misdiagnoses instead of trauma-focused therapy, their mortality risk compounds, since they're denied the opportunity to process their trauma while receiving inappropriate treatments for conditions they don't have.

It's important to understand: PTSD from life-threatening trauma is not a mental illness, but a neurobiological consequence of physical impact. When criminals use psychiatric diagnoses to discredit victims, they exploit gaps in the understanding of these conditions.

In 2023, I was attacked in an apartment I rented in Austin, TX. Attackers used substances that induced amnesia about the attack. Analyzing this experience through the lens of what I learned about PTSD, I recalled dreams from that period that now take on an entirely different meaning.

In one of them, I tried to swim out of deep water but failed and drowned.

The significance of this dream is that I swim well, am not afraid of water, and have never drowned in a dream in my life. This dream roughly coincided with the time of the attack.

In another dream, I failed a university exam and didn't receive my diploma.

In reality, I received my diploma. This dream also coincided with the moment of the attack.

On one hand, the dreams of drowning and failing an exam coincided with the time of the attack. On the other hand, they do not reflect my everyday experience and have no basis: I swim well, I am not afraid of water, and I received my diploma long ago and even forgot about it - I work in a different field. Both dreams had a distinctly realistic quality.

Given this, it can be confidently said that these are highly distorted, hallucinatory representations of real events (likely waterboarding torture and interrogation with questions about education) that occurred under the influence of a potent disorienting substance (such as scopolamine).

This assumption has a very high degree of probability from the perspective of neuroscience and the known effects of such drugs, and it is supported by fragmented memories that I retained.

Fragments of reality - which I remembered even reported some of them to the police and lawyers:

  • I woke up and saw Mohammad Javad Heidari Shalmani - a colleague from Walmart - originally from Iran; he dropped my phone on the floor when I tried to reach for it; a tissue with some substance was pressed to my face after that
  • Someone said, "Lay down the plastic sheet."
  • I opened my eyes and saw a black plastic sheet under me.
  • Something was being removed from my face - possibly a plastic bag.

These fragments, together with the dreams, indicate torture, illegal medical practice, and rape.

Conclusion

My case demonstrates a sophisticated scheme for discrediting crime victims. Walmart and police behavior is absolutely inhumane.

Walmart, having video recordings of the crime, conducted its own investigation and assessed the severity of the crimes committed by its employees and their consequences: illegal entry into an apartment, rape, use of narcotic substances, illegal medical practice, and irreparable harm to health - these are felonies. They did everything to cover up the case, systematically labeling me as a Russian spy, Ukrainian prostitute, and mentally ill person.

However, Walmart had no objective grounds for such claims: during employment, I provided all necessary information and documents, was open to dialogue which they never initiated, I was one of the top performers, worked two jobs, and they never required me to undergo psychiatric evaluation.

Police advised me to see a psychologist, contact Ukrainian refugee assistance centers (despite my clear statement that I am not a refugee) and work more (despite the fact that I was working two jobs at the time). Detective Lana Toporek wrote in her report that I suffer from paranoia. She also stated that my condition might be a result of past trauma. She changed the case classification from "Rape" to "Sexual Assault Info/EDP with Contact," meaning "complainant was experiencing mental health issues," and closed the investigation.

Police had no grounds to make claims about possible past trauma, especially considering the severity of the trauma I experienced there. And even if I wrote too much to Detective Lana Toporek, this is completely understandable given the hostile environment I was in. And no, I didn't construct any conspiracy theories she mentioned in her report. She did a very clear thing - she used paperwork to cover up a crime. Anyone who reads that report will see the story of a troubled woman, not a developer or top performer.

They knew about the high risks that PTSD carries: alcoholism, erroneous psychiatric diagnoses, and suicide - and this suited them. This is confirmed by their systematic actions: instead of open dialogue - they chose to hide the fact of trauma from me, spread rumors about mental problems, and create social disadvantage. They expected the inevitable misdiagnosis they've already announced - talking about me as if I already have mental illness to get rid of me.

Without documented trauma history, I cannot receive adequate treatment, support, or compensation. I cannot work through unknown trauma with a psychotherapist and cope with other health problems, which inevitably creates serious additional health risks. Meanwhile, they continue, emboldened by their impunity, to destroy other people's lives.

This creates a dangerous precedent in the legal system. Anyone can become a victim of such a scheme: an organized assault using amnesia-inducing substances, concealment of the crime, discrediting through false psychiatric diagnoses. The victim is trapped: no memory of trauma, no evidence of the crime, and a "mental illness" label causes lack of trust in their testimony and closes any opportunity for justice. (if the victim even has an ability to understand what happened).

If you read the description of the incident that happened to me, you will understand - the calculation that I don't remember worked, they blamed all the consequences on mental illness, intellectual disabilities, and low social responsibility (link below).

I have been left without the support of the system that was supposed to protect me. My health is undermined, my reputation destroyed, and my chances of recovery are limited. I am seeking legal assistance, witnesses to the incident, and information about the video recordings of the incident.

If you can help or have information about this or similar cases, please contact me. Every voice of support is important, every testimony can change the situation.

Incident Description - https://incident-details.ostefani.dev

Open Letter - https://ostefani.dev/seeking-justice

Also published on: Medium

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